{(set:$clicked to 0)
}
=><=
|==
(link:"
1
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]the
world
is]
(link:"
2
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]despite
my
efforts]
(link:"
3
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]small
and
cramped]
=|=
(link:"
2
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]dark
and
cold]
(link:"
1
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]make
it
stop]
(link:"
3
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]all
too
big]
|start)[(link-goto:"this sucks.")]
==|
(link:"
3
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]i
can't
see]
(link:"
2
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]black
and
white]
(link:"
1
")[(set:$clicked to it+1)(if:$clicked is 9)[(show:?start)]i
miss
you]
=><=
(float-box:"=X===","=Y===")[$memtext[(link-goto:"recollections")]]
(float-box:"===X=","===Y=")[$senstext[(link-goto:"sensations")]]
(float-box:"=X===","===Y=")[$emotext[(link-goto:"emotions")]]
(float-box:"===X===","==Y===")[(if:$mem is 0)[when you're used to seeing everything it's difficult to see nothing at all](else-if:$mem is 1 or 2 and "fear" is not in $emoarray)[the light at the end of the tunnel has never been so faint](else-if: $mem < 3 and $emoarray contains "fear")[you're not afraid. you're not afraid.](else-if:$mem is 3 and "yuuta" is not in $visarray)[$vistext[
you see something.]](else-if: $visarray contains "yuuta" and $mem < 4)[$vistext[
"he must be executed"]](else-if: $mem is 4)[
how long have you been here?](else-if:$mem is 6)[
(link-goto:"pop quiz!","quiz")](else-if: $mem is 8)[
end.
(link:"credits")[(open-url:"https://archiveofourown.org/works/30928958")]](else:)[no no no no no no no]]
(float-box:"===X=","=Y===")[$reltext[(link-goto:"relations")]]
(if: $mem >= 3 and "something" is not in $memarray)[(float-box:"===X===","===Y=")[$vistext[(link-goto:"visions")]]](if:$mem is 0)[you can't recall (link-goto:"anything.","this sucks.")]
(if: $memarray contains "bathroom")[* [[your dorm bathroom]]]
(if: $memarray contains "control")[* [[the home you gave the fushiguros]] ]
(if: $memarray contains "nanami")[* [[the back of ijichi's car]] ]
(if: $memarray contains "succ")[* [[a hotel room in hokkaido]]]
(if: $memarray contains "bleh")[* [[you remember]]]
=><=
(if:$mem is 0)[#[[ow]] ](else-if: $mem > 0)[###[[ow]]]
(if: $sensarray contains "panic")[ [[heartbeat]] ]<beat|
(if: $emoarray contains "fear")[(live:0.3s)[(animate:?beat,"pulse")]](else-if: "fear" is not in $emoarray)[(live:1s)[(animate:?beat,"pulse")]]
(if: $sensarray contains "hunger")[ [[god, you're hungry]]](enchant: "_", (text-color:black)) (set:$spaces to (a:"_","_____","____________","__________________","_________","______","_______________"))
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6))(if:$mem is 0)[you feel (link-goto:"nothing.","this sucks.")](if: $mem is 1 and "annoyed" is not in $emoarray)[you might feel [[something.->this sucks.]]]
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6))(if: $emoarray contains "fear" and $mem is 2)[(text-size:2)[(link-goto:"fear","fear")]](else-if:$emoarray contains "fear" and $mem is not 2)[(link-goto:"fear","fear")]
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6))(if: $emoarray contains "annoyed")[(link-goto:"annoyance")]
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6)) (if: $emoarray contains "calm")[(link-goto:"calm")]
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6))(if: $emoarray contains "fondness")[(link-goto:"fondness")]
(print: $spaces's (random:1,6))
|===
(if:$mem is 0)[you don't know (link-goto:"anyone.","this sucks.")](if:$mem is 1 and "suguru" is not in $relarray)[you think you know [[someone.->this sucks.]] ]
(if: $relarray contains "students")[(link-goto:"itadori yuuji","yuuji")]
(if: $relarray contains "yuuta")[(link-goto:"okkotsu yuuta","yuuta")]
=|==
(if:$relarray contains "suguru")[(link-goto:"getou suguru","suguru relation")]
(if: $relarray contains "shoko")[(link-goto:"ieiri shouko","shoko")]
==|=
(if: $relarray contains "nanami")[(link-goto:"nanami kento","nanami")]
(if: $relarray contains "students")[(link-goto:"kugisaki nobara","nobara")]
===|
(if: $relarray contains "students")[(link-goto:"fushiguro megumi","megumi")]
(if: $relarray contains "maki")[(link-goto:"zenin maki","maki")]{(set:$mem to 0)
(set: $memtext to (text-color:#63bef2))
(set: $senstext to (text-color:#b97234))
(set: $emotext to (text-color:#35c168))
(set: $reltext to (text-color:#bf3ae3))
(set: $vistext to (text-color:red))
(set: $memarray to (a:))
(set: $relarray to (a:))
(set: $sensarray to (a:))
(set: $emoarray to (a:))
(set: $visarray to (a:))
}
(if:visits is 1)[(set:$mem to 1)(set:$memarray to it + (a:"bathroom"))]your whole body *hurts*. your arms are sore, your feet are killing you, you have a *splitting* headache, and the pain is causing waves of $memtext[**nausea**] to crash through you, but nothing comes out of your (link-goto:"stomach.","this sucks.")(set:$relarray to it + (a:"suguru"))it was definitely Go Sushi, but you don't know if it was the spicy tuna or the egg nigiri that had you retching loudly for longer than you thought should be possible for how big a human stomach is.
"hold my hair back," you whined, your voice hoarse, "i always do it for you!" and $reltext[**suguru**] laughed.
"you don't have enough for that, idiot." but he still smoothed it back with his warm, evening-moisturizer-soft hands, and you smiled weakly before the next convulsion hit you.
you banged your head on the toilet at one point, and suguru kissed the mark on your forehead.
you fell asleep with your head (link-goto:"buried in his chest.","this sucks.")(if: visits is 1)[(set: $emoarray to it+(a:"annoyed"))](if: $mem is 1 and "control" is not in $memarray)[you're gonna think about (link-goto:"something else","this sucks.") right now, thanks!](else-if: "fear" is not in $emoarray)[you're a goddamn (link-goto:"idiot.","this sucks.")](else-if: $mem is 2 and $emoarray contains "fear")[you can't do this you can't do this you can't do this (link-goto:"you did this.","this sucks.")]
(else-if: $mem is 3)[this can't be (link-goto:"right.","this sucks.")](else-if: $mem > 3)[stop thinking about (link-goto:"him.","this sucks.")](else:)[oh [[no.->this sucks.]]](if:visits is 1)[(set: $relarray to it + (a:"students"))]you're not used to being the most annoyed one in the room. it probably doesn't help that you're the *only* one in the room, but who's counting? certainly not you.
there's no one around to crack a joke at, no one to spend excess energy on. $reltext[**your students**] were always good subjects for that. [[oh well.->this sucks.]](set: $emoarray to it + (a:"fondness"))it's hard to quantify most relationships, but itadori yuuji has a nice, round number. twenty. twenty chances for him to lose control completely and force your hand into killing the kid. twenty times he'll likely impress you instead.
it's been $emotext[**nice**], watching him grow and learn, even as his timer [[ticks down.->this sucks.]](set: $sensarray to it + (a:"hunger"))you could go for some fancy food right about now. you love treating nobara to the sights of the city—she gets so excited about the spectacle of it all that it's infectious, making the same overpriced cafe you've visited for years feel fresh for the first time again. once you get out of here, you're treating her to $senstext[**crepes.**]
you wonder how she's [[doing.->this sucks.]](set: $sensarray to it + (a:"panic"))it's all too easy to think about megumi at a time like this. he's probably $senstext[**panicking**], poor baby—he's never been able to handle a scary situation without knowing you'd be there to bail him out if he needed it.
and now he needs it.
and you [[aren't there.->this sucks.]](if: visits is 1)[(set: $relarray to it + (a:"maki"))]you care about those kids. you really do. the fact that you're raising them as your personal army is irrelevant, really, with how much you've cared for them. nurtured them. brought them to their $reltext[**fullest potential.**]
they may not act like it sometimes, but you know they're fond of you [[too.->this sucks.]](if: visits is 1)[(set:$memarray to it+ (a:"control"))]you've always been able to feel your own blood—every pathway it takes throughout your body, every stop and start of its movement. the steady pace it sits at most evenings, the uptempo bursts when you fight, the little flutters when $reltext[**he**]—
you've always been able to feel your body's pulse. you've never been able to $memtext[**control it**], [[though.->this sucks.]](if: $mem is 1)[(set: $mem to 2)]tsumiki knew. you knew that she knew, because you could see the way she'd look at you, like she wanted to say something but could never find the right words. which is fair, you think, because what do you say to the person who's giving you your living situation and could just as easily take it away if you (link-reveal:"spoke up?")[
so you didn't stop, fully aware of what you were doing while tsumiki watched tv in the next room, lifting megumi's shirt over his head and kissing the soft flesh underneath while megumi squirmed and put a hand over his mouth like you'd told him to if he felt like he was going to make too much (link-reveal:"noise.")[
he was always so good for you. he'd put up the facade of a bratty child, but when it came right down to it, he trusted you. *trusted* you. even as you used him however you wanted, from taking him on missions he shouldn't have been anywhere near to pushing his limits in training sessions that left him bruised and bloody to sliding into him at three in the morning while you whispered to him (link-reveal:"how good he was,")[ how (link-reveal:"much he'd grown,")[ how wonderful it was that he was yours because it meant he'd *never*, ***ever*** [[leave you.]] ]]
]]and then you went and left [[him.->this sucks.]](if:$mem is 2)[(set:$mem to 3)you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get out you need to get [[OUT->this sucks.]] ](else:)[you haven't been afraid [[since-->this sucks.]] ] [["gojou-sensei."]]
(if: $visarray contains "yuuta")[ [["sorcerer."]] ]
(if: $visarray contains "yuuta")[ [["six eyes."]]]
(if: $visarray contains "third")[ [["satoru."]]]
(if: $visarray contains "okinawa")[ [["satoru!"]]]
(if: $visarray contains "drink")[ [["satoru~"]] ]
(if: $visarray contains "2008")[ [["satoru?"]] ]$vistext[you turn around. you shouldn't have to turn around, you should know who's there, but you don't, you can't see, your physical eyes strain to put a face in focus.
"megumi?"
there's a *crack* as [[your legs collapse under you.]] ]$vistext["megumi?" you call again, and his face is clear now, but his intentions aren't. your legs are sticking out at the wrong angle, and your mouth is open on what you think is supposed to be a scream, but you can't hear anything but megumi's voice.
**"gojou-sensei?"**
"what?" you try to ask, but you cough up something thick and bitter instead.
**[["what have you done to me?"]]**](if: visits is 1)[(set: $emoarray to it + (a:"fear"))]if there's anyone you don't regret abandoning $reltext[**him**] for, it's maki. she's a (link:"strong fighter")[perfect soldier] with a cool head and an (link:"indomitable spirit.")[easily manipulated drive.] when you think about how $reltext[**he**] would treat her if $reltext[**he'd**] been left alive, you can't help but $emotext[**fear**] for her [[life.->this sucks.]](if: $mem <6 )[$vistext[(set:$memarray to it + (a:"succ")) you recognize the $memtext[[[taste.->this sucks.]] ] ]](else:)[$vistext[your throat is [[blocked.->visonly]]]]his hands in your hair were never gentle. he liked having control over where your mouth moved, and you liked the unpredictable sting at your scalp whenever he wanted you somewhere else. he liked the way your throat tightened at the mild pain, and you liked the weight on your tongue slipping a little too far back, making you work hard not to choke.
"satoru," he'd gasp, his knuckles going white as he got close, tugging you (link-reveal:"closer, ")[pulling you (link-reveal:"harder, ")[ripping and $vistext[(link-reveal:"tearing,")[ shredding your (link-reveal:"skin, ")[flaying you (link-reveal:"alive,")[ laughing and laughing and laughing as you became smaller and smaller pieces of yourself [[until]] ]]]]]] (if: visits >1)[you woke up next to him, hands in his hair, now, and you hoped this could last [[forever.->this sucks.]] ][[that's not how it went.]]
=><=
(float-box:"=X===","=Y===")[]
(float-box:"===X=","===Y=")[$senstext[(link-goto:"sensations","sense2")]]
(float-box:"=X===","===Y=")[]
(float-box:"===X===","==Y===")[what did you have that was real?]
(float-box:"===X=","=Y===")[](if: visits is 1)[(set: $relarray to it + (a:"shoko"))]$vistext[your skin is crawling.
there's something behind your eyes.
your bones don't fit your flesh.
maybe you need a $reltext[(link-goto:"doctor.","this sucks.")]](set: $visarray to it + (a:"yuuta"))you've never asked shouko why she helped bury the body.
she offered you a cigarette, that day, and you took one drag and spat it onto the ground.
she laughed for the first time all evening, and lit herself a new one.
you don't remember the last time you've needed actual medical attention from her, not once you refined your reverse cursed technique. but maybe she could help fix the $vistext[cracked and broken thing you're now [[inhabiting.->this sucks.]] ]
=><=
(float-box:"=X===","=Y===")[]
(float-box:"===X=","===Y=")[]
(float-box:"=X===","===Y=")[]
(float-box:"===X===","==Y===")[$vistext[it won't STOP]]
(float-box:"===X=","=Y===")[]
(float-box:"===X===","===Y=")[$vistext[(link-goto:"visions")]]
(if: visits is 1)[(set: $visarray to it + (a:"third"))](set: $relarray to it + (a:"yuuta"))$vistext["weren't you going to kill me?" ryoumen sukuna asks across the table. his plate is piled high with meat; another dish has a small collection of bones. "or was that just another one of your bluffs?"
sukuna takes another bite, swallows with relish, and says, "it'll get cold if you don't eat your share."
you look down at the plate set before you. $reltext[**your cousin**]'s eyes do not look back at you.
you couldn't save him.
"you can't save me, either," yuuji says through a mouthful of flesh. "not after what we've done."
(if: $mem < 6)[you hold your chopsticks [[tight.->this sucks.]] ](else:)[you swallow your own [[bite.->visonly]] ]
(if: $mem is 8)[you're so goddamn [[hungry->this sucks.]]]](set: $emoarray to it + (a:"calm"))yuuta is probably the student you'd most likely call a friend.
he's everything you're not—kind, dependable, heterosexual—but you're drawn to him anyway, fascinated by his power and conviction. he has your respect, something you personally consider a rare and valuable commodity, and you'd like to think you have his as well.
it $emotext[**calms**] you down a little, just [[thinking about him.->this sucks.]]you've settled down. it's, you know, it's fine. there's nothing you can do in here but wait, after all, so there's no point in expending unnecessary energy on worry or fear or nostalgia or longing (link-reveal:"or")[
just (link-reveal:"wait.")[
let time (link-reveal:"pass.")[
[[wait.]] ]]]
[[.]][[..]][[...]](if: visits < 3)[ [[.]] ](else-if: $mem is not 8)[(set: $mem to 4)(set: $memarray to it + (a:"bleh"))alone with nothing but your memories, [[again.->this sucks.]]](else-if: $mem is 8)[alone with nothing but your memories, [[again.->this sucks.]]]what is your name?
(input-box: bind $name, "x==",1)
[[enter.]](set: $name to (lowercase:$name))(if:$name contains "gojo" or "satoru")[wow, you remembered!](else:)[have you forgotten already?]
next, what is your age?
(input-box: bind $age, "x==",1)
[[enter.->enter 2]](if: $age is "28" or $age is "twenty-eight" or $age is "twenty eight")[that's right! you've been twenty-eight for a while now, huh?](else-if: $age is "17" or $age is "seventeen")[that's right! you're seventeen years old, and you just lost your best friend.](else-if: $age is "1000" or $age contains "thousand")[ha! don't you wish.](else:)[wrong! you've already lost track? you must be getting old.]
next question, what do you care about most in the world?
(input-box: bind $fave, "x==", 1)
[[enter.-> enter 3]](if: $fave contains "myself")[(goto:"very good.")](else-if: $fave contains "suguru" or "geto")[after all this time, you still can't forget about him?](else:)[is that so?]
tell me the truth, this time.
(input-box: bind $fave2, "x==", 1)
[[enter->enter 4]](set: $relarray to it + (a:"nanami"))you can't measure the passage of time by your stomach—you've been at the same low-level hunger since you were caught. but the longer it wears on, the more you feel it, like the pain of a papercut that just keeps stinging.
you could go for a $reltext[**sandwich**] right about [[now.->this sucks.]](set: $memarray to it + (a:"nanami"))he really had the right idea. if you don't like how people do things, leave the whole system behind and do something else. it landed him right back where he started, sure, but who's counting? at least he's following his heart, not letting himself get $memtext[**used**], all that good stuff.
he'll live a [[long life->this sucks.]], with that attitude.you remember being six years old and realizing what [[power]] was.it wasn't the first time you inconvenienced either of them—not even the first of this specific brand of inconvenience. but it was the first time nanami had ever grumbled "you know what? fine," and then grabbed you by the back of the neck and stuffed your throat full. the sound of you choking was loud and obnoxious, and out of the corner of your vision you could see ijichi shrink a little while keeping his eyes on the road. you would have laughed if you weren't busy gagging and drooling.
but then nanami kept talking, punctuating each sentence with another shove. "you always do this. post-mission adrenaline, right? i don't believe you. you're just looking for an excuse—an excuse to let someone take control of you because you're tired of controlling yourself. fine, then." and you could feel the raw strength he put into holding you down until you *really* couldn't breathe.
"you think this will bring him back? or even bring the feelings of having him back? don't bother. i've tried, too." he didn't respond to the almost-scared noises you made in the back of your throat, or the way your fingers dug into him hard enough to stretch the fabric of his slacks, but then, in his own time, he finally let go, pushing your face away so you wouldn't vomit into his lap.
"he'll clean it up, ijichi-san." nanami said. he was still hard as he tucked himself back into his pants. "i'll make [[sure of it->this sucks.]]."you remember being fifteen years old and learning what [[love]] was.you remember being seventeen years old and learning what [[loss]] was.you remember being twenty-eight years old and learning what [[regret]] was.(if: $mem is not 8)[(set: $mem to 6)[[you're not sure how old you are now.->visonly]]](else:)[[[what was it you said, again? $age?->this sucks.]]](if: $fave contains "myself")[(goto:"very good.")](if: $fave contains "suguru" or "geto" and $fave2 contains "suguru" or "geto")[you'll never change, will you?](else-if:$fave2 contains "suguru" or "geto")[you remembered?](else:)[i don't think so.]
one more try. $vistext[what do you care about most in the world?]
(force-input-box: bind $force, "X==", 1, "myself, okay, i only love my goddamn self, are you goddamn happy?")
(live: 1s)[(if: $force is "myself, okay, i only love my goddamn self, are you goddamn happy?")[ [[very good.]] ]]Double-click this passage to edit it.that's right! you never loved $reltext[him], or $memtext[him], or $senstext[anyone else!] you're a $emotext[selfish brat] who $vistext[never learned to care for anyone except yourself, and that's what got you here!
(live: 1s)[HA] (live: 2s)[HA] (live: 3s)[HA]
(live: 4s)[ [[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]] ]]$vistext[why aren't you [[laughing?]]]$vistext[you'll be here for the next thousand years, so you might as well [[enjoy it!]]]$vistext[(live:0.5s)[.] (live:1s)[.] (live:1.5s)[.] (live:2s)[.] (live:2.5s)[.] (live:3s)[.]
(live:4s)[.]
(live:5s)[.]
(live:6s)[.]
(live:6.5s)[.]
(live:7s)[.]
(live:7.5s)[.]
(live:8s)[.]
(live:9s)[.]
(live:10s)[.]
(live:12s)[.]
(live:14s)[.]
(live:16s)[.]
(live:19s)[.]
(live: 25s)[........[[yeah.]]]
]it's dim, but it blinds you.
it gives off no heat, but it warms you.
reach for it?
[[yes]] [[no]][["good morning, ———"]]you close your eyes.(set: $mem to 8)**end**
(live:3s)[back to menu? [[yes->this sucks.]]](set: $mem to 8)[[this sucks.->end.]]
=><=
(float-box:"=X===","=Y===")[]
(float-box:"===X=","===Y=")[]
(float-box:"=X===","===Y=")[]
(float-box:"===X===","==Y===")[
end]
(float-box:"===X=","=Y===")[]
(live: 5s)[(set: $mem to 8)(goto:"this sucks.")]$memtext[you hold him.]
(live: 2s)[$vistext[you never let him go.]]
(live: 4s)[$memtext[you talk to him.]]
(live: 6s)[$vistext[he comes [[home->visonly]] with you.]]
(if: $mem is 8)[(live: 6s)[ [[maybe he'll stay this time.->this sucks.]] ]]
(set: $visarray to it + (a:"okinawa"))$memtext[it's so sunny in okinawa, the sand on the beach blinds you.]
$vistext[you might stay another week. you have plenty of time, after all.]
$memtext[suguru holds your hand as you enter the ocean together.
you inhale water, laughing, as he dunks you under a wave.]
$vistext[your lungs fill with seawater.
you try to swim up, but suguru's pushing you down,
down,
[[down.->visonly]]]
(if: visits is 1)[(set: $visarray to it + (a:"drink"))]
(if: $mem is 8)[ [[you breathe.->this sucks.]]]$memtext[you hate beer after one sip, grimacing as you try to swallow it down. "is it really worth drinking this shit?" you ask.
suguru laughs, grabbing the can from your hand and finishing it off. "we'll find out together." his cheeks are a little red already.
you can feel six eyes dull a little bit, for the first time in your life. it's a little scary, but also? a relief.]
$vistext[you crush can after can, memory after memory, your throat burning as it eats away at your insides, splitting your stomach open and spilling out in a rush of foul liquid.]
$memtext["if yaga finds out, he'll kick our asses," you say.
"i'd like to see him try," suguru says.
"me too."
you grin at each other.]
$vistext[if you drink enough, he'll [[melt away.->visonly]]]
(if: $mem is 8)[ [[not that you can, now->this sucks.]]]
(if: visits is 1)[(set: $visarray to it + (a:"2008")) ]suguru ruffles your hair. "way to fall asleep in the middle of lecture."
shouko snorts. "you might want to get your snoring checked out. you could choke and die in your sleep, y'know."
"pipe down," yaga-sensei sighs. "and haibara-kun, you're not much better, straighten up."
"i told you," nanami mutters, delivering a soft smack to the back of haibara's head.
you [[look around.]]$vistext[suguru ruffles your hair. "you think you can just wish it away?"
shouko snorts. "you might be stuck in here, but you could always swallow your own tongue and end it now."
"shut up," yaga-sensei sighs. "and haibara-kun, stop bleeding on the desk."
"i'm sorry." nanami mutters, delivering a soft smack to the stump of haibara's neck.
you're [[tired of this.->this sucks.]]]$vistext[the knife slides into place like a tab in a slot, like you were built to hold it in your throat, like erasing the scar tissue still couldn't close the wound.
but this time, you (link-reveal:"don't pass out.")[
the man holding the knife you thought you destroyed laughs, pulls the knife out a few centimeters, then sinks it back in, then out, then in again, impaling you on it, *fucking you* with it.
and your body won't move, not even to scream, not even to (link-reveal:"beg.")[
(if: $mem is not 6)[but even through the pain, you can see the grin on that [[scarred mouth.->this sucks.]] ](else-if: $mem is 6)[maybe you should have done more [[begging->visonly]] in your life.]
]]
]